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words
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poetry
photograph of the week
utterstuff
mission statement
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Our
readers baste, drub, hammer, paste, pelt, pound, pummel, |
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I
hereby dub thee Sir Unadjusted ! Rise worthy knot ! |
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I had no idea about the website. It is scrumptious. Isn't it nice that thanks to the web, this sort of presentation includes graphics? I'll be reading (ogling) my way through it in months to come. Photos are wonderful. My train's approaching my stop -- here's one last bit: Promised you some kind of laugh -- when's the last time you read Melville's account of Ishmael meeting Queequeg? I find these first few chapters of Moby Dick a masterpiece of hilarity. Love, Sally |
Dear Editor, Sir: I referred your October 6th edition to my attorneys for a thorough investigation. After one month of work, 27/7, (I got their bill today. Smart lawyers, figured out how to get 3 more hours in a day), I am disappointed to inform you that my alleged plagiarized e-mail titled: "Pretty Cut Flowers Smell Great When Heated" which you lifted verbatim and dropped in your October 6 edition, without my consent, contained no plagiarism at all. I did notice one inaccuracy, probably just sloppy proofing, but the fact is your correspondent just can't cut it on the plagiarism trail - bit of a weenie I suppose. Best of luck with future editions. By the way, you could try plagiarizing this "letter to the editor". I suggest you use a different correspondent and perhaps your lawyers will actually get to talk to my lawyers after all. If the latter occurs I do suggest you shut the shades and turn out the lights for the entire first week of the month, and each and first week of every month thereafter - I figured out this is 99% of all attorney's billing cycle. (If I find a way to patent this information I going to be one Fat-Cat-Llama!) Sincerely, Jack "TL" KLonosko p.s. Your data on the backpack weight was inaccurate. Two of my Ph.ded-drinking-buddy-followers from Georgia Tech tested the pack and concluded that the bag has an abnormally high count of "XX Chromosomes" with an extreme tendency toward "Side Saddle Bagness". All that scientific jargon goes over my head, but I think it means I bought a very expensive female backpack that apparently gains weight just by transporting food. I weighed the pack this morning in my closet and it weighed 240.00 pounds, sitting alone in the dark. We're working on a solution prior to my next outing. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. |
Give
us your best shot! |
Please, for the last time, take me off your list. Thanks. Name withheld by request |
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We
are with you.
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Hi
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| Dear
Captain, Now that I know that you hid some, like, "stuff", on your fine web site I have that old familiar feeling like I might be missing out on something. But that's OK, like I say it's a familiar feeling (WINK fuckin' WINK) so all must surely be well !! Or at least tolerable until the next, quote, discovery, unquote. Anyways thank you and I sure as hell ain't making light of anything, you know, "important", so PLEASE LOVE ME. Pat C. Nomenclature Borgeous Exegiant, P.M.F.R.C. Editors: Pat, we know a mail order service that features some really interesting cheeses. |
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| I
liked the Ode to an Eggplant and How to Get There from Here poems best.
I highly recommend you checking out this new book: House of Leaves by
Mark Z. Danielewski. You might even want to review it for your web site.
I haven't actually begun reading it yet (I have another one to finish),
but it's written/laid out like no other book I've seen. (PS: It's about
a haunted house) Dawn (Shall I infer from yours that you read all the poems? That's a noble undertaking...) Yes, I did read all of the powams. |
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| A
Spooky Coincidence I took a look at the website and it's good to know that the internet was born at just the right time for you guys to do your stuff on it - pretty spooky coincidence, huh? BTW, I don't recall asking any questions about anything, except for the oneabout where "here" is, but that was just an observation disguised as a question, and not a real question, except for the other part about whether or not there was really a "there" anywhere, which can't be a real question until the issue of "here" is finally resolved... o yeah, and the one about whether or not you can lend me a million dollars until March 14, 2049 at 2pm when I swear I will pay you back... P.S. Enjoyed your "physics" piece... David |
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Subject: On The River on a Rock I really dug this poem. Especially the 2nd stanza. It appealed to me because of the stream of consciousness feel to it. Even thought alliteration is generally something that is planned out, it really makes the words link together in a very smooth, rhythmic, stream of consciousness way. -Becky |
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| HQ
is considering changing its name to www.homedepot.org...and the readers
responded bluntly: ---- Not comfortable with HomeDepot.org OK??? Makes me think of hammers..and calluses..and and bad service.. Garden centers with smashed anuals ready to be wilted and thrown away. Bad, so please, keep World Headquarters..much more "high end" Yours, Ingrid P. S. I also ejoyed Hank's EatRite & FBI Witness Protection BBQ . ----- Why not HomeTeapot.org? I like the concept, though. Like Jello Biafra, it would give you a new hobby and a crash course in IP (intellectual property) bullshit. Yours, ed |
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*Ouch*
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I have been asked to write a brief on the dangers associated with allowing you unfettered access to the information superhighway. Do you know why? P.S. How do you guys do it? ed: Yes, son, we do. We wrote a boxer on it. Shake it to the left. |
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 copyright 2000 Shunya & Ben |
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| Re:
I love your carburetor Thu, 10 Feb 2000 Stu Dent Organization: The Toon
Show Your website is bookmarked and will be added to my links page soon.
If the services of a weird cartoonist are required, please don't hesitate
to contact me. Tallyho, Stu Dent aka Thomas Armagost The Toon Show http://www.well.com/user/silly |
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| Comrade
Citizen, Just wanted to say, I really like the new graphics at HQ. There is some excellent use of color in there. IMHO of course and it's a PRITty damn fine HQ if I do say so myself, or among myself, as the case may be. I voted for my poem 500 times, is that ok? Well as you can imagine it's just bees and honey 24 - 7 around here. Good luck with the new project, we're all rooting for you. fondly, Leo "the extrusion" Steve P.S. -- enjoyed all the stuff you deleted on Halloween. |
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Thanks I need help. But must I bear all the drivel that goes along with your helping hand... And you did help, by the way... I actually watched a romance movie tonight, the whole thing, and numbed and stupid, with only one potentially functional neuron left, I sat down at this very computer and whilst on your message came through. I laughed at your merger with microsoft and yugoslavia, my neuron leapt inside, we were dazzled by your humor, the angelic choir began singing.....I guess we're not totally out of the woods yet, but thanks for a NEW BEGINNING...oh no, there we go again....Kharrhin Bodmann P.S. Thanks for the diamond tiarra. Don't call me at the house. |
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My
Site Review, Affectionately,
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cruised your site, didn't find it erudite. I saw the phrases, without entasis. Glad you're having fun, hope the "Old Geezer" won. " As I walked out one evening" is a tome, 'though the premier poet apparently doesn't know it. -Marvin-
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Messrs. Marcus and Fellow Freeloaders, While I am flattered that you chose to reproduce my e-mail on your web site, you, no doubt, are aware that my e-mail message, dated 11-8-99, is part of a larger body of work that I am now offering for sale to The Library of Congress. Although the aforementioned INDEPENDENT APPRAISERS WHO CLEARLY HAVE NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES OR VESTED INTERESTS believe the value to be $30 million, the U.S. Government has the opportunity to pick this work up for $20 million, via a "bargain sale" as defined in Section 34B of the Internal Revenue Tax Code. Although it is quite a hardship for me to part with this work for approximately $10 million in tax deductions and $20 million in cash, the fact that I will retain copyright privileges, and all future economic benefits resulting thereof, will help ease the pain. Since the actual items to be transferred are only 10% (approximately) of the full body of work, it is clear that my personal interests are subordinate to those of the public and their overwhelming desire to own these historically significant works. You may be asking yourself why I would be acting so selflessly. Let me pontificate! The author of these works, rest his soul, of whose mission I am painstakingly continuing, would want nothing more than for me and my family to reap huge economic gains from his philanthropic work at the taxpayers expense. Therefore, it is imperative that you cease your parasitical actions immediately. Fondest Regards,
Frank
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| Thanks
for tossing me on your mailing list. I love the look of the new sight.
You were made for the internet. And the internet was made for you.
Winter
comes Talk to you soon don
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Believe it or not,
I do visit your website often. Your loyal fan, Frank
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I really like your site - and your unique contest. Please, please, please, don't put me up against good ole Tommy Eliot - even I would have to vote against me!!! lol thx.... Elizabeth Spackman
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From
our friends at technical support: Thanks for sending email to support! This automated message is to notify you that your message has been received and has been assigned the issue ID 991020-7639113. We answer all queries on a first-in, first-out basis, and we will make every attempt to respond as quickly as possible. Our goal is to respond to your message within 24 hours. |
| Re:
"Ode to an Eggplant" - author is NOT a ballot stuffer. She is well-known
among more literate circles; internationally traveled; published;
has a devoted, if somewhat esoteric, following; and is good enough not to "stuff." On a more personal
note, your website(s) is awesome. J. Marcus, who the Sincerely, Tattoo from Kalamazoo
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| keep
me on this stupid mailing list and send me stuff! |
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| Gentlemen,
Please be advised we would like to be added to your current mailng list wherein your firm distributes to our firm, certain information, comedy and other insanity produced primarily by certain local southern riff raff. ok....add me to the dang gung, oh shucks mailing list. Cautiously jerome donner
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| Irene
September 15, 1999 --why don't you answer your e-mail like a mensch? the nerve--this from someone who didn't even bother to send a card from florida! it is no good trying to make it up to me with this dangerously funny stuff on the web site, still, you guys are a menace to society & I gotta respect that... |
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| Stopped
by your site. Terrific pages. Great Design. Great contribution to
the World Wide Web.
I am much impressed. I am awarding your site the Poet's Award. Stop by my homepage to copy/download the award bearing the words "Poet's Award."
Ernest
Slyman
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I just spent about 30 minutes going through your site...you are one strange, strange dude. Don't be concerned (not as if you would be anyway) -- coming from me, this is a compliment. I love the chaos that is not really brought to order here, but rather merely categorized. In fact, I like your site so well that I'd like to trade links with you, if you'd like. I see that you don't seem to have a formal links page, but maybe I could put you on my links page, and perhaps you could stick my banner somewhere down at the bottom of your page or something. Let me know what you think; I'll understand if you'd rather not. The poetry was great...my favorite so far is "Samarkand," although I have many more to read. Oh, and I promise to bookmark you and actually read an essay sometime, ok? Take care, and I hope to hear from you again sometime... Grez
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| Re:
Mission Statement:
"We
want our brains to fire up into extreme fluency on demand
This
is your mission statement. All the rest is filler.
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| I
love the cinnamon mission statement, because
the
image of "sifting" is uplifting and
I like cinammon in my oatmeal and in my oatmeal cookies.
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| Nepotism: Hi, Uncle Well. My
roommate, Ann and I just spent an hour and a half drinking We're overwhelmed. And too drunk to
comment at this juncture. But we printed some of our Talk soon. XXOO
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| re:
Signposts
The graphic makes
me dizzy. Mask
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| About
the poem -- Hank's Eat-Rite:
Great
rhythm and wordplay! One of the most wonderfully whimsical pieces I've
read in quite awhile, with enough good, concrete imagery to make the
poem accessible and fun for lots of folks, and just enough hints at
seriousness of
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| About
Riding Bareback in the Next Dimension: Claire says that this poem is cool and makes her think more deeply...Alex says he is not into poetry. Matt says he's busy watching Full Metal Jacket. I say it is a lovely
poem with delicate sexuality to it and a finesse not found in
the other poems on the site and far and away is my favorite. Horses,
stallions,arrows,feeling - M. Gresham
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| ed:
Finally someone gets it!! Your web site brings a few words to mind. For example: Schizoid. Puerile. Vapid. Garish. Presumptuous. I kept waiting for some unified sensibility to reveal itself, but was confounded by tangential excursions into absurdity. Even cheap advertising has some point to make: what is yours? R. Cavanaugh
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| Your
site is great! I never knew what an intellectual you are!
I up for a beer this week. How about Wednesday or Thursday night around 9:00 or so. Somewhere in the neighborhood. Frank
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| Excellent
graphics! I liked the Magnetic Rose, My Car and You Be the Verb.
I also liked a poem about a pencil and eraser...
Best to you,
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| Thank
you for taking the time to visit my site. I took a
trip through yours this morning and it is fantastic! *Silly* is not a word that comes to my mind in describing your site. The pages themselves - the layout and design is well executed, slick, and very professional in appearance. The pages are pleasing to the eye and despite the variety in backgrounds and colours, flow easily from page to page. If you did the work yourself, you deserve a pat on the back, for work well done. The content is phenomenal. I loved the variety, and the reader feedback. That was a nice touch. There are some very dark thoughts there, but with that edge of humour that so few can appreciate, and being who I am, this mindset has always appealed to me. I loved your site and have bookmarked it. I am in the process of updating my current pages and adding some new ones and would like to include a link to yours with your permission. I will notified you when the changes are up and running. Thanks for your time. Take care. Rhiannon
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| Well,
all I can say is it's a good thing these guys have poetry as a
constructive outlet because their minds are so loose, it could be dangerous if they were out on the streets without any supervision........and I know what I'm saying or my name isn't dr. demento..........I have expertise in this particular looseness of the mind and I know it is caused either by too many hits of sommmmmme kind of chemical or some inherited problem with neurons. There may be a hint in these online chats which are not really poems but some typical obtuse guy memories referring to babes and bottles, which it sounds like they have done a lot of. I am sending an example of a good poem under separate cover and will probably win the upcoming poem-athon contest.. By the way what is the prize? |
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| Halos
of Transformation
Upon the internalization of this poem,
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| You
Be the Verb
Loved the background pattern
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| All
Theories Are Driven By Mood
The poet's inspiration isn't limited
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| ....skimmed/read
every piece listed under CONTENTS. And the annoying LINK was funny. The Samarkand poem was most interesting to me on a fast skim, and it was the first one I opened -- -- better titles? If I could suggest a larger diversity of authors... |
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| Real talent
almost drowned completely in the flashing lights of presentation. A tighter attention to metre would probably also make a lot of difference. This, the criticism you asked
for? |
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| ...jazzy--second
verse changes tone completely. Car picture very humorous.
Like each poem having its own page. ed: (on the way) To My Car |
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| Can
you provide travel directions? Is there a Hank's Eat Rite in downtowm Samarkand?? And can I get there in My Car??? Seriously, though, I find your work delightfully "all over the place" --- and I want to go there. |
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| This site
is out of control... "Encroaching on Paraguay" makes no sense whatsoever, including the title. Mostly gratuitous wordplay coming at the expense of the reader. The little of value is lost in an ocean of pompous meaninglessness. ed: we're glad we could make a difference |
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