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The first truly new words in about a billion years
words
of the week archive
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Aukustophrenia 8-8
Affllusion:
A tender, fluid moment when money pours out of a self-made
billionaire.
Burronayted:
Inability to distinguish between a burrito, a donkey and Sweet
Sweetback's Baadaaasss Song.
Nasscall:
Putting your calls on hold while you endure another anal probe.
Naybeeso:
Dyslexic in terms of "nes" and "yo".
Hop-hipstir:
An artist whose medium of expression is BEER.
Carpass
Thumbal Syndrome: Sitting around with an opposing thumb
stuck up your ass.
Fartist:
A very creative, fun person whose medium of expression is
stinky lighter than air gas.
Synchrannoysity:
When the song on the radio changes exactly at the fucking
moment you drive your rental car sideways into an extremely
fixed object, such as a The Hoover Dam.
Wowywebwha?:
Still ambivalent about the World Web Wide, or whatever it
is.
Scrayydup:
When you're not really as wound up as the neighbors may infer
from your ongoing high decibel bout of caterwauling.
Whoapendous:
Side effects so fascinating - they make the intended effects
feel like chopped liver; e.g: whippets. (Who cares about fucking
carbonation?)
Lachryjato:
Pining for the lost golden heyday of Esperanto.
Cheerybeerilization:
The dawn of civilization, i.e., the invention of beer.
Artticonn:
The art of pretending you're an artist.
Diffeleton:
When you're easy to please but nobody knows how or why.
Exstinkt:
When your breath is so bad you stop exhaling, and slowly turn
purple before exploding. But everyone agrees it's for the
best.
Zerodillodad:
When your personal quality of life rating ranks below an armadillo
lost in Baghdad.
Localost:
Looking for what you found yesterday somewhere right around
here.
Mothosis:
Trying to distinguish between the flame that surrounds you
and that which you intend to flambé.
Ninscrutoid:
Something that makes sense but not in the present context
so you nod and scratch your ass while looking askance.
Nosayso:
The state of being unavailable for comment.
Asspane:
The same old crap that¹s been annoying the crap out of
anyone with half a bat-brain since the fall of The Etruscans.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Week:
Never
stop doing the obvious, even if you need lots of matches.
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Solstickulah
4++4
Bellified: When your gastro-intestinal tract seems
to be at the helm of the great ship "You", and you're
pretty OK with that.
Testimé:
To over-document your part of the intense mutual endeavor
you just participated in minimally.
Pheq:
A faux mock dickie.
Goofeed:
When a bee gets silly pollen on its silly ass.
Sillabulled:
That which stubbornly refuses to be said in merely one word.
Macstupid:
When you want to say, "Can I hold your egg macmuffin?"
and you actually say it even though you know it doesn't sound
so attractive, let alone appropriate.
Zümber:
None of the above uber-umlauts.
Allcohool:
The expansive calm before the slovenly dissipation.
Yeebeekayayosalam:
The pure hot whoopy giddiness nestled within the barnacled
layers of Islam.
Dotcomorg:
A small bunch of idiot dorks with a website.
Foculude:
A sharp interval between blurry episodes.
Gabrication:
A job interview in which the most lively and encouraging part
is without basis in actual fact except for that part about
the fookin' mangoes.
Allfiktup:
When you can't stop thinking about attention deficit disorder,
even during sex.
Mentong:
Purely conceptual, yet blatantly ill-conceived and downright
brainless.
Pernickulous:
When you want to thank someone for his interest, but not his
principle.
Malsternumize:
Getting something viscously yucky off your mind by getting
something inappropriately stratified off your chest.
Valoose:
Living out of a suitcase that's in a different city than you
are and then losing the suitcase.
Unure:
When you're so full of shit that you and the shit no longer
differ.
Clownayshuss:
Utterly thrilled about being on the verge of finally doing
something with your life that actually doing it could only
bring you down, hard.
Culinastrophy: When chaotic entropy suddenly becomes
manifest in your kitchen.
Oughtidoit:
Suggesting to your effective team of I.R.S. auditors that
things would most likely go a lot better if everyone involved
left the premises and got laid.
Longhon:
Where we would all be without the cheap philosophy that guides
us through the over-priced valley of dawn.
Dontrustem: What your inner arborist knows about the
powerful bushes.
Quackup:
Surrendering unconditionally to your inner goose.
Ingenius:
Smart enough to know that what you're doing is really stupid.
Bibliobrication:
Telling everyone you're reading the entire Britannica cover
to cover even though you're still on page one-a.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Week:
The keyboard command for what you're trying so desperately
to say is either:
Shift-Click-Fuck or Control-Alt-Bullshit.
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Uberstink 4, 3-34
Guilbord:
Feeling guilty about feeling guilty when you run out of things
to feel guilty about. Usually cured by a light aperitif or
rum and cola.
Chroning:
When time slows down just enough to let you catch up with
it for 10 or 15 minutes which never happens unless time is
stoned. Making the next minute exactly the same as this one.
Syncopoids:
The people who tell each other at The Waffle House, "
Thanks for asking, I'm in the musak business."
Unnormage:
Whle thinking outside the box, you forget there IS a time
to think inside the box. 2) Fucked up by a warm wet trapezoid.
Dijiot:
When you fuck up the addition in which the sum is less than
9. (Does not apply to people with fewer than nine fingers.)
2) Cross between and idiot and a dipfuck.
Pextrous:
The urge to attack the north pole and anything like it, such
as the south pole. 2) Taking the iron out of irony.
Lurak:
Being followed surreptitiously by the long shadow of your
soon-to-be former self.
Mashility:
Computer sensitivity bashing. Crushing your keyboard gently
with your song while in the maws of madness.
Zensitive:
As placid as a tight zit poised serenely at the end of your
nose.
Celebriac:
Some big deal asshole who wears shades indoors at night.
Geolout:
Calling someone's bluff from the adjacent cliff. 2) A craggy
insensitive massness.
Prez:
Dumb as a bush.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Weak:
Note
to self: I was preparing something. I don't know what it was.
I don't know what the fuck I've done.
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Aperillo Chausser oh-4
Dipht: The maleficent nominal force which causes parents
to name their kids Ralph or Dick or Bernice.
Lesence:
When your next to last excuse was just contradicted by the
obvious.
Whue:
the color of Whatever.
Meel:
A feast without a glutton. 2) The soft underbelly of an electric
eel best braised in olive oil.
Crappyland:
Where you think you will never go.
Cantune:
Thinking everyone wants you to sing and finding out you couldn't
be more wrong.
Praycise:
Faith in science or it's opposing thumb.
Stupuss:
The accumulation of so much utterly useless information so
that the one infinitesimal bit of even slightly useful knowledge
gets squeezed out like something gross, thick and milky white
with an unbearable odor of decay.
Sumpsing:
What anybody sinks about anysing.
Dumposis:
Inability to remember to buy toilet paper.
Nunger:
The state of not buying groceries because you're not hungry
right now. Plus you're broke.
Cosmoop:
Believing that everything happens for reason, until you blithely
step barefoot in dogshit.
Nocashlazy:
Unable to exercise until you eat Chester's Xtra Heavy 99¢
5 lb. HineQuarterCheeWhizBurger.
Purplops:
Offering to do nice things for friends, family and strangers,
such as taking out the garbage or buffing their Hummer or
tweezing their weasel and then at the end of the sentence
mumbling, "Maybe."
Splone:
Getting so upset when your candy bar falls in the toilet that
you drop your cell phone in while trying to retrieve it.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Week:
We're sorry we just bombed your nation. We didn't know you
were there or even using it!
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Shifuhhaid 2.4.092
H²0no:
Bathwater, the afternoon beverage.
Helloric: Spending a few hours with a stranger who
wants desperately to improve your diet and/or your vermifuge.
Encephalong:
Screeching up to a stop sign and waiting happily for your
medulla oblongata to hit you in the back of the head.
Muzzikle:
Pre-nasal drip. Not pleasant for the intimate observer or
the casual observer for that matter.
Punjabarr:
When you feel so totally goddam good about yourself you just
want to kick somebody's ass up one side and down the other.
Gogd:
When a dog named god walks ass-first into your immediate future
usually with less than favorable results.
Dool:
Inability to distinguish between a good feeling and a muscle
cramp. Or between a mood and a muscle. You decide.
Blighthouse:
A really nice bright house inhabited by really crappy dark
and foreboding (and afterboding) people, e.g. the White House.
Spovd:
Pavlov salivating at the sight of a dog and vice versa.
Ord:
Getting high and watching your favorite metal thing explode
in the microwave. As a backup a cherry tomato is pretty cool
too.
Mego:
Really proud of your ability to mimic yourself. And you practice
all day.
Nosperous:
1.) Subscribing to magazines for the rich but never reading
them.
2.) Independently poor. 3.) broke
Diemode:
When health is not your strong suit. A walking vermifuge.
Voxupyde:
When you've been really really busy talking about a lot of
work-like activities but not on the actual, literal, physical
job-type paying area of work, per se, if you know what I mean.
Naykutt:
Leaving home with no underwear, and for that matter, no overwear
either.
Fyoodify:
The process or processes of manipulating everyone into going
to the restaurant you want to go to without them knowing it,
relying on statements that are not entirely true.
Free Gratis Thought of the Week:
All
our really good friends are fallen Unitarians.
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Ghost Dooley 21, 03
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Qreemed
: When someone accuses you of self-basting and everyone knows
it's true.
Shtixt:
That strange suspended state following the initially enthusiastic
stage of speaking aboriginal Icelandic, when you discover
the hard way that your "Chistian name" means "dogshit."
Scravinated:
When you enjoy what you forgot in a textbook you burned.
Nindo:
The person who designed airplane windows that peak at your
nipples.
Sporgh:
The unstated inner meaning of a word which nobody ever expresses
or acknowledges but it's still there controlling everyone's
ass.
Enlatinment:
In which a true blue honky acquires a great tan and sense
of salsa to match.
Ambignatory:
Inability to decide how fast to walk sideways.
Rploixtinato : Reconstituted mashed potatoes covered
with self-basting slime covered with hair growing all over
itself.
Flaznoid
: A lumpy prominent shape in the exact spot where actual flatness
is desired.
Smerving
: Shaving your poodle.
Ursats:
A genuine reproduction of a fossillieé.
Mahbeerasschtrung:
Fear of starting the nice Audi you've had on concrete blocks
the last four months.
Chieze:
To ferment a cliché.
Fulgoe
: Failure to bellyache.
Qweln:When
you will neither confirm nor deny that our nation faces grave
challenges.
Phose:
Environmentally induced stuffiness.
Impasta-ism:
Masquerading as a noodle.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Week:
The president is almost as incredible as this loaf of bread.
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Blaferdoodius 4, 122
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Yanktomony:
An argument between lovers at a Yanni concert.
Yanniectomy:
Forcibly extracting the new age from the old age, kicking
and humming.
Quoncept:
One of your better bad ideas.
Coglimbus:
Thinking about your emotional appendages.
Abominique:
1.) When a guy with a stick up his ass think people hate him
because he's got a stick up his ass, but really they just
plain hate him. 2.) The opposite of magnifique. 3) That French
girl you can't stand, but she makes you crazy, if you know
what I mean.
Flurbdout:
A clandestine meeting with the governor of Lincoln, Nebraska
on a vast plain.
Charcow:
A charcoal sketch of a burnt steak.
Minalysis:
One minute of crappy, annoying, enraging but highly effective
psychotherapy adroitly administered by a "good friend".
Squance:
Turning slyly to surreptitiously check out two really weird
people and they're both lookin' right back atcha'.
Lavalarity:
Funny soap. In sentence: Why is my ass so soapy, lavalarity
speaking?
Bigyulation:
An inflatable aircraft carrier.
Puffany:
That ephemeral mystical giddiness borne by a soft femme summer
breeze.
Grème
de la jour: A day in the life of the filthy rich.
Doid:
The tunnel at the end of the light that you see just before
birth.
Serencrackidee:
To fall precipitously below the pant line.
Botchyalism: A virulent virus that fucks up good intentions.
Nyhce:
A white night of the dark soul during which all debts are
repaid you.
Chobb:
Employment that's perfect in every respect except you don't
get paid.
Roturd:
The ceremonial circumspective walk a dog does before it takes
a crap.
Orangyutowder:
Tang vomit.
Free
Gratis Thought for the week:
A man's gotta do what he was made to do.
Free
Gratis Question for the week:
What's that under your kilt?
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Zwakinzadoola 34, 4
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Zearth:
The time of night when nobody appreciates zippy repartee.
Like right now for instance.
Duhurt:
To fall sharply off your own porch.
Varble:
When you think of the perfect retort right before the argument
begins instead of nine hours after you’ve been crushingly
defeated.
Chronogulous:
That one moment when all the clocks in your house are synchronized,
and you’re late.
Shyclone:
1.) A dry, quiet, windless hurricane. 2.) A dry, subtle mental
thingee.
Sheclone:
A more tumultuous version of your crazy ex-girlfriend.
Muggage:
1.) Having your picture taken because you’re just so
cool. 2.) Picking up your self-portrait at baggage claim.
Prophy:
A plastic medal. Ribbed for your pleasure.
Shass:
A quite sublime sexual overture misconstrued by the other
party as some kind of blunt grunt from your lower chakra.
Bink:
A bus which runs one way into the ocean.
Archannoid:
Bitching about those freaky spider webs.
Shaxion:
When your sinus allergy becomes an opportunistic addiction.
Cybonk:
To teach an angry mystic how use a computer.
Shistik:
Inappropriate use of a defecatory metaphor. Like
shit or fart or a-hole.
Yabd:
Preemptive telepathic phone call.
Interription:
Sax riff that delays the drum solo.
Carpal
Funnel Sindrome: Recipient of a self-congratulatory
reach around.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Seize the Crap Daily
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Inordinate 9, alphonse
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Zapute: Attributing a hopefully clever comment to Frank Zappa just
because you like to say his name and the other person doesn’t know enough to doubt you.
Lakwadge: Acting like you
knew “deliquesce” would make it through the spell
checker.
Duvocation: A vowel movement
without real oomph.
Trooth: The information you’re
least likely to articulate.
Heeheebephrenia: Talking
someone into thinking your joke is funny.
Torplicity: Refusing to get
up off your ass to grab the remote which
is just beyond the reach of your twitching fingertips.
Musculaxation: Going with
your strengths, such as loitering and staring vacantly.
Stort: To drop anchor wherever
you are.
Pyme: The first of one or
in certain cases, none.
Floatee: She or him or them
who won’t go away even when dead.
Vephyr: When the night is
blowing like heavy wine.
Albathetical: Pert. to one
who hates the phone book and prefers
to access phone numbers through hallucinogens.
Smertinli: Without a doubt,
with a smirk.
Pillosofee: A belief in the
value of swallowing small tablets of truth
for everyone’s absolute good.
Shazzd: To heel your sole.
Quukloynd: The bug-eyed sweating
stranger who takes the seat
next to yours in a nearly empty theater and keeps looking
at you like you’re crazy.
Federeal: The bovinely unconscious,
porcinely gluttonous, ferociously
irrelevant behavior commonly identified as government.
Claybor: Working inside a
coffee mug.
Xnave: 1. Unclicked. Or that
which remains unclicked. 2. A reformed rapscallion.
Levinate: Rising up off the
ground after you ate, usually expediting a flotilla of awareness.
Gratis Thought for the Week:
We have targeted our audience and it is us.
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K'layphorstichum 3, s*34!, v
Rilli: A spiritual system which elevates
you in the eyes of yourself but not others.
Piquy:
When you’re in the fourth month of a two-day job and
your client fails to see the humor in it.
Legerdecrap:
A popular method of “cleaning up” by moving the
really big piles to
another room and the smaller pieces stay put somehow.
Meelux:
Hiring a Swedish babysitter for yourself and not begrudging
yourself the expense.
Assissmonass:
The desperate faith that their people will contact your people.
Kraktout: The fear that your best friends
will finally discover your true nature whatever that is.
Fauqularity:
When you try to salvage an interpersonal fiasco by insisting
“I was just kidding, really.”
Metaphastize:
A crippling disease spread by shrinking tumors and malignant
metaphors.
Crimop:
Enjoying an activity just because it’s illegal, like
now.
Via
Del Mundomé: When that meaning of life thing
you worked on for so long is
now quite a bit beyond your intellectual sphere and so be
it.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Life
is short. Drive like a maniac.
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JeJuyoluhtch
$4,22
Derlution:
The inability to perceive personal failure and abject humiliation,
a la Slobodan Milosevisc.
Gleex:
To rationalize freely and copiously with inappropriate gusto
and beer.
Bamp:
A tattoo and matching nose ring that makes your grandmother
sigh
and think of "Lou the Shoe" with the large moustache
from Eccentric, Alabama.
Garquab:
Missing the stuff you hate, and hating yourself for missing
it.
Pathoth:
When you're feeling almost as good as you did a fucking minute
ago. You continue to monitor the situation very closely and
maintain high standards.
Offluence:
The filthy, lucre-tinged hatred that rich people have for
each other and you.
Nossible:
Indubitably definitely probably obviously maybe. Not. Perhaps
tomorrow, call me later. Maybe. Maybe not.
Splants:
Sport utility diapers.
Asstrayed:
Lost, crazy, weird, funky and jooked up like when your best
friend stubs you out with the jackboot of backstabbiness.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Week:
I
am like and so unlike the weather. But who's counting?
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Claporphenk 8, ^4.9#
Abquidian: Absent from work because
you thought it was Sunday instead of Thursday. Most common
in people who are losers or majored in the liberal arts or
who have an itchy fungus in the palm of their hands.
Procteality:
Speaking out for all that is right with the world or South
Dakota or Avondale Estates. 2) An extreme prostate exam.
Proxinuttly:
Feeling close or near to 6½ or half eleven dozen of
the Other.
Snatchuralocracy:
A really funny political system based on the imperative, "What
I want is mine." Like Democracy or Oligarchy or Communism.
Crobb:
To grab an adult's ankles and wail like there's no tomorrow
even though you know there really is.
Hyoumerity:
The ability to find humor in being stuck at the bottom of
a wet sticky mineshaft without any beer or garden clogs.
Transflobraphy:
When the lid is about to blow off the stewpot of your mind
or your manservant's mind and you just have to write it all
down.
Dijimated:
When your opposable thumb and your good foot gets stuck in
the microwave.
Doolo:
Two things which are or was really one total thing or things
which in another world's actuality were a loveseat or several
love seats.
Asspiration:
Following through with great gusto on a totally ridiculous
idea like this one.
Nominesia:
Making someone forget his middle name or short size.
Grude:
The inability to treat family members as well as you treat
your average grocery store assisant manager who bags well.
Innornado:
When Fear of Success collides with Fear of Failure in your
middle medulla oblongata and explodes, creating a pleasant
sensation in your inner gluteous maximums.
Sqwine:
The mythical pig who eats its own ass seemingly without the
least degree of self- consciousness, without shame or beer.
Clubble:
An interesting girl in the neighborhood with an identical
twin brother and a taste for extremely fine malt liquor, like
Schlitz.
Free
Gratis Thought for the Week:
It feels like we just worked fourteen hours straight. Good
thing we didn't.
We're
ameliorating the truth, one K at a time.
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BuHollowOh 3,2,1,0
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Pooproust: To complain about the odor emanating from those stanky madelines.
Tanntrum:
The full beige color spectrum of Lutheran passion. Not that
you'd notice. Would they?
Solstick:
A room overly full of one person whose bristles keep expanding.
Punchyouation: When your English teacher has finally
pushed you past the jagged edge of your own internal grammar.
Snyfle:
Ye olde English nasopharyngeal situation.
Panoganja:
A pot full, nay overflowing, with smoking grass.
Blugo:
When you can't tell which is bigger, someone's butt or his
ego.
Sny:
A tall worm that keeps lookin' atcha' real funny.
Gwoolified:
When your memory of last weekend has been attacked by moths.
Orthoflusion:
The propensity to misspell your own name when powerful people
are watching you impatiently.
Tromollified:
Having been moved by "external forces" deep into
the last convolution of a seashell.
Wryalty:
Dry reign.
Snigloid:
An otherwise normal person with an irrational fear of sanity.
High
Coo: Japanese poetry recited in an whacked-out sandpapery
falsetto, by someone who is nuzzling your lobe.
Fesstified:
An hour of gritty, crystallized personal explanation, nay,
expiation, which leaves the other person a lot more horrified
than when you started.
Tyranshah:
The desire to govern an imaginary middle-asian country by
proxy, in absentia.
Mrs. Sippi: Wife of a guy who gets drunk on
brown rivers that traverse entire continents.
Abstickery:
The force that binds you to your problems. (The same force
that physicists overlook in their quest for the Grand Fucking
Unified Theory of Fucking Everything).
Therabriation:
When you take yourself out and get the both of you drunk,
and charge yourself out the ass by the hour.
Aborophobia:
Fear of normality. Succumbing to panic attacks when you have
nothing to repeat/say again.
Freakernity
The club of those who are Temporarily Insane Forever, don't
know it, and don't recognize any of the other members and
you're the president. And the dues are excessive.
Cygouché:
Answering an email with a phone call.
Deezler:
Microscopic fear molecule, manifesting itself by an involuntary
clenching of the anal shincter and the subsequent grabbing
and seizing of the gunwale of a vessel when it is suddenly
pitched at an angle of 500 degrees or more towards a turbulent,
watery fire.
Squax:
A hyperventilated proclamation of the blitheringly obvious.
Caviquate:
Doing unto your dentist as he has done unto you.
Transmiggle:
Laughing surreptitiously at what happened in someone else's
past life.
Nominonn:
A person whose name is fundamentally misleading, such as a
total bitch named Joy or a carpenter named Mason.
Jugstead:
The future offspring of Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock.
Thirqumsthanth:
A thituation you're thrilled to not be involved thin.
Free
Gratis Thought for the WeeK:
We can't talk to you right now. We're making some poison potato
salad for the president.
Free
Gratis Question for the two of you:
How can you be impaired alone?
|
Clamoyunous 3, •5
Pryvycy: The art of not letting too much information
remain covered or taking a shit when you want to be alone.
Bellivere:
Strangely eager for WWIII to begin because there's been nothing
really good on TV since The Dukes of Hazzard and Bill Clinton's
schlong.
Blunkered:
Having difficulties in a sand trap sans a golf course.
Sentinule:
The yearning of those who own lighthouses to have no visitors.
Felication:
The sense of noblesse oblige enjoyed by Jose Feleciano.
Equibative:
An odd feeling of equanimity for having learned something
balanced by a sublime contempt for the teacher.
Queed:
Blathering on and on about ethical values and what a good
job you want to do even though all you really care about is
the goddam money.
Relain:
Failing to squelch the urge to repudiate vociferously.
Cosmulpy:
Moping over the fact that the universe exists.
Hellven:
Reading about really excellent food while you're shoving a
fucking shaq attack whopper down your throat.
Confabique:
Enthusiastically participating in a conversation while being
studiously ignored.
Despotony:
Plants practicing laissez faire fascism. Slowly.
Somnoozualism:
When the body of the person next to you in an airplane or
jail cell exceeds its allotted volume.
Anonaxious:
When you hope nobody will notice that you just farted.
Olfucktorize: Sitting next to someone who pretends
not to have just farted on a packed airplane, esp. after the
captain has just announced that we're not leaving for a while.
Nohg:
A pitiful attempt to conceal your inner pig.
Free
Gratis thought for the week:
We're skirting the tangent so you and they don't have to.
Guess
if we're engaging in righteous subterfuge.
|
Felchovus 34, 1
Omnisphere: Everything within two inches of your head.
Or the vast nothingness within.
Piegiene: Brushing your teeth with
pizza and rinsing with anchovies.
Glaymisch: The art of the guiltless shameless extremely
tardy retort, esp. as exemplified by architects or automobile
"service center" managers who cheerfully agree that
it was supposed to be ready last month: "But you wouldn't
want it back if it wasn't ready, would you?"
Fashism: The belief that what you wear
makes your life worth living while wrecking the lives of your
associates and theirs.
Absoshitly: Taking credit for something
that will never happen . . . . again.
Appaription: Coming apart at the seams
in slow motion, plus you're not sure if anyone else can really
tell.
Lawnitary: Buffing your yard because
it's full of dirt and stuff growing in dirt.
Plime: Letting the other person blather
on and on so you'll have plenty of time to come up with something
really first rate that'll knock him or her on his or her ass
and make him or her beg for mercy.
Ipsa Prob Dixit Uno: As someone probably
once said. From the Latino. Probably.
Dbftbly: Definitely maybe or possibly
perhaps never.
Wrecktify: Trying very hard to fix
something without breaking something else in the process,
and failing miserably.
Implufticate: Revolting against your
better judgment in a moment of severe personal inflation.
Hyfer: A young cow who just drank way
too much coffee.
Holar: Blowing sunshine out your ass.
Astrality: An unexpected death in a
family of psychics.
Bullogical: Makes sense to stubborn
men.
Precogjestion: Eating now 'cause you
might get hungry later.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
I can't get it together to go to sleep.
Or
The air around here is better than a menthol cigarette.
|
SpringyPoo, 4, Fuckit
Chez Levato: An upwardly mobile
home with a great sense of humor.
Freudzind: Inability to distinguish
the sex of Norf Dakota or the Norf Pole.
Farmassist: 1.) A helpful man in a
trim white coat who will cure you or get you high. 2.) Government
plants and stuff that are likely to produce altered counties
or state roads.
Scrunchtupness: The normal pre-condition
of people upon whom other people will be soon sitting.
Rugosis: Dishevelment caused by an
unruly hair or group of hairs.
Vinity: The furlong between your bloodshot
eye and your mind's eye.
Trimiros: To inhale the universal effluence
through your third nostril.
Boose: The skanky end piece of a loaf
of bread. The one that's been sitting around for two health
inspections.
Bitreation: Intriguing but self-defeating
rents in the fabric of life.
Irrevelation: That brief and horrible
moment when you're sure you heard god tell you to overthrow
him. I mean what the fuck?
Sturbs: Where the suburbs meet the
River Styx.
Blite: The harsh glow of bright white
light when you really need to just chill for the good of god,
mother, country and pie crust.
Nosperous: Independently poor. Non-wealthy.
Gimped.
Industlikal: Emitting the appearance
of being employed. Sort of. If you don't look too hard. Yes
boss.
Estragenoid: Fear of being attracted
to women once a month.
Confukation: Calling an ex after you've
had too much therapy but are still suffering from considerable
horniness.
Patriofuge: Harboring impure thoughts
about your government
Talibarred: When you learn your favorite
saloon is owned by Al Kayda.
Free Gratis Thought For the Week:
You look great out of focus.
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WeebleeWooWoo 3, 23
Repugmerie: Becoming great friends with
people who make you physically ill, like that little dipwad
Ralph Borriss.
Gigneous: 1.) That thin strata of rock
that makes you sing about rocks, with the exception of igneous.
2.) Seriously thinking everyone wants you to sing loudly to
rock or them.
Endarkenment: The kind of enlightenment
that makes you even more sober, depressed and a little under
the weather.
Insoapinate: Gingerly whupping yourself
into a blather.
Hurlody: Vomit Music.
Igployment: Doing actual, paying work
for which you were never ever trained and for which you wonder,
"Why? Yet, why not?"
Urbuttony: When the list of cities
in which you have overeaten is, frankly, a little embarrassing.
Municiphrenia: A gruesome internal
train wreck that occurs while waiting in line for a Homestead
Exemption Official in city hall.
Nyetropathy: The gauzy hope that you
can find a cure for what ails you on the World Wide Web.
Boobonic Playg: The neural affliction
in which you can only recognize women by their breasts, and
you're basically ok with that.
Stewer: One who stews or lightly bubbles.
A self-baster.
Fubble: Thinking about shaving so you
don't have to.
Glamneck: A redneck with a $90 mullet
haircut, monogrammed wrap around shades, and a strong nose.
Exhipants: Camouflage pants for people
who really want to be noticed.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
A fuckin' trio has only three people but four fuckin' letters.
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MaybeWe'reNotWrong!, Nueronistan (2 Cubed)
Dot Commie: Benevolent All-Knowing Master of your neighbor Melvin and Melvin's domain name.
Enrong: Mistaking free markets for
your dick. Or, mistaking your dick for money.
Dissassa: This assa, not your fucking
assa.
Celeperty: Alerting the media in
vain that somebody famous is not acting like you thought
they were.
Nostralp: The naso-pharyngeal equivalent
of snot. A lot like snot. Or snot itself. Snotty. Or a freaking
beak so high up in the air nobody can even see the snot-caked
hair up there in the naso-pharyngic cavity. (When we were
less fucked up we thought it was funny.)
Swircle: The art of talking about
the art of talking about things to Melvin. Or his inner
equivalent.
Elusk: As long as a velvet freshwater
mollusk.
Floorgasm: Having difficult sex with
a wool rug on slippery, smooth, cool kitchen linoleum.
Bunchofuckincrap: A "New York
Times Best Seller!" that nobody's ever heard of. Or
liked. I.e., "The Wonders of Regular Glue."
Mistaykid: The opinion that literary
criticism sucks but is a necessary evil or else how would
we even know who the fuck wrote what.
Smixt: Glass stuff you like better
after it breaks.
Vammicle: A Chevy Vega or other cheap
worthless aluminum-powered economy piece of four cylinder
torment whose heater works really well in the summertime.
Pandamonium: That bear who sings
when you squeeze him.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
You will rarely see "pot" on the end of a sentence.
|
Libropactum 99, the year of Verbenas
Squnf: Taking the fun out of profundity and extracting it from fundamentalism.
Lullabev: Nursing a drink that's perfectly healthy, even though it's not sick.
Hysteriometer: The bi-directional limbic throughput tabulator on your own private soap opera
that everybody knows about.
Faroshpere: In the misty mists beyond mysterious perfection.
Dunckle: Your padre's hermano who gives you a totally unabridged
thesaurus for your seventh birthday "because you've been so bueno."
Layngel: A spirit guide who procrastinates in the face of unyielding joy
and sleeps through a lot of distinctly human conditions.
Litocracy: That annoying condition in which the description of your life is a lot longer
and a lot better than the living of it.
Vacman: The off-duty dude. Not currently available.
Dantéed: Unable to read Italian shit.
Undantéed: Unable to care about Italian shit. I mean what the fuck?
Snovel: To remove unsightly nasal silt with a heavy and/or wide gardening implement.
Using a tool that is ever so slightly too big for the job. Just enough to keep you interested.
Free Gratis Thought for this Week:
Being face to face with Jewish joy, which is quite complex and slightly horrible,
is still better than being a Christian or a dork perhaps. How is one to know?
|
Skastaseekotchor 34, 1.8
Wodeed: Trying to halt a bad real estate transaction while the check is
being passed down the long dark plank in The Man's long dark office.
E Pluribus Magnum: Suppressing all emotion until you explode in a giant
conflagration of raw passion, pass out and have a sexually fascinating
nightmare in which god marries satan.
Scornado: A person or thing who always scores on the first and last date.
Cholden: Cheap yet rich and slightly disheveled.
Anavality: Failure to contemplate one's navel in any meaningful way.
Just a blank stare really if you want to get technical.
Lujical: Riffling, whirling, nay buzzing, with common sense.
Rabitet: A cuddly fuzzy little baby bunny after visiting a horny,
hungry lion's den. Just close your eyes.
Roteel: Sympathy for steel belted radial tires.
Gluecation: A thing that never leaves the place it was last put until the
rapture or some fuckwad moves it.
Rumbloise: Deep primal bog like sounds that only the most whacked out
fretless of bass players could hope to appreciate.
Ambunesia: Placing the 500 pound literary project you've been working
on like forever and really identify with on the roof of your fucking car as
you set out for Patagonia or Kinko's.
Oraleed: When all your energy comes out of your mouth.
Nihilistence: Doing nothing constantly, failing miserably, yet doing it anyway
and never thinking twice about the fuckedupedness of it. For instance, "I want
to have just one more meaningless conversation with myself, then I'll take out the garbage."
Natch: Scratching your niche.
Haharible: The East German sense of humor. Really not very funny at all.
Like yuk-o lemee outa here and I mean now.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Sure there's life after death. It's just not yours.
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Scrazturfloreen 3.5, sanifflequantorz
Musochist: A musician who works in a music store, hating himself, ironically.
Imbousers: Cuffless pants the same color as the beverage you are
spilling on your cuffless pants.
Crashphault: An accident caused by a road. Any road. But especially
the one that is currently rubbing you the wrong way.
Smaxicated: Receiving a loving albeit painful reminder from the cosmos
that it is way fucking bigger than you and your ass put together.
Churnalism: The force that separates politicians from their campaign money.
2.) Filling up the last 23.6 hours at the 24-hour news station.
Errakin: The thrill of watching loved ones be 100% wrong.
Layzay Fair: Making money that some might say didn't come from working
too hard or not at all not even a little bit. Letting other people do what you
don't want to, ie, work.
Krumitè: A bunch of people acting on what some pointy-headed French
fuckwad said.
Krappahedron: A thoughtful, precise, multi-sided arrangement of refuse.
Pointy garbage.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Like what we said to our broker last week: cliffs are more mysterious than hills
and abysses are deeper than your ass. Hey, it's just a thought.
Free Insurance Policy for the New Year:
At no cost to you, we always check the next day to see if it's still funny.
|
Kleztatika 3, 12Teen
Mugnufficence: That aesthetic condition in which your distorted face
looks better than your "normal" one.
Prelgebra: Before the square root of the aftermath.
Boozocrates: Drinking your way to Jesus and/or Socrates.
Engoogoolate: To make more out of a lot than it already is.
Nebulor: A big fucking monument whose raison d'etre is not
imminently knowable.
Resulsitate: The attempt to improve funky ass leftovers with gobs
of genuine iodized salt.
Perabulum: Sprinting from room to room in an urgent but random fashion.
Wha: That interesting force which drives all religion.
Meauty: When you're admired for not responding. Thanks I really
appreciate it.
Youfemistic: The unique ability to sound just like The First Lady.
Haut Bitcheur: Complaining loudly and vociferously about way more
important stuff than everyone else complains about.
Vespock: Ambushed by sunset.
Mentile: A ceramic replica of a pygmy head.
Heerrible: A good place to not be. Like the Union Mission or Tora Bora.
Jesterday: A post retro Mexican calendar.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
And now, to sum up life itself: Cliffs are more mysterious than hills.
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Sumatime 11, 11, 11
Caucaissimo: A honky's honky. White beyond all means of escape.
Or white beyond white. Really white. If you know what we mean.
White all the fucking time.
Caflicted: Dogs who hate cats but can't stop eating catshit.
Portality: Death of a doorway.
Sweego: Indulgent in the dizzy pleasure of taking everything personally.
Afftirmation: Saying yes just a little later than everyone else does.
Maggotude: Thinking that death is gross regardless of it's 110% naturaledness.
2.) A corpse with a dry smirk.
Compulqueous: Obsessively planning to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Starshit: A troubling relic from the future past. Shit from a distant
galaxy that travels two million light years to hit you in the ass.
Salusberate: Begging, nay pleading, family members NOT TO HELP.
Cospeerency: As logical as an epileptic fit. 2.) Plotting against those
of equal socio-economic status.
Pontuffukation: Too much bridge under the water.
Hypolipticate: To lick the saliva off.
Alternong: When you flop between being light-headed and heavy-butted.
Consomméd: Lying face down in your French Onion soup.
Ph'deaux: A doctor who is not a real medical doctor. From a long
line of Baton Rouge Ph'deux's.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
If you really love me you will split my
infinitive…….and dangle my participle.
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Santahannawanza 23, 45551
Trepigarious: Fear of not hanging out.
Chaostualist: fucked up totally uncontrol freak.
Anticrastinator: That guy over there who tries to finish everything
before it gets started. A dickhead.
Pur: A man whose trousers bulge with a big wallet, stuffed with really great ideas.
Zwah tur: Tepid ice. Indifferent water. Lukewarm steam.
Yufineator: You or them or y'all who fineates, a fineator,
(despite the obvious built in difficulties…..nudgewink).
Blankola: A null force that sucks blankets to the bottom of the bed.
Exacerbated by the need for warmth.
Sek: Singular of seks.
Fatricide: Harvesting a sibling for his blubber.
Floppedge: The awkward process of succumbing to inscrutable gravity
at particularly inopportune moments.
Wrute: To make notes in dirt.
Occupoid: When you can't work because you're scared of certain stuff on your desk.
Gruvonious: A square hectare of loud, radical, cross-eyed hyperbliss
which tends to severely annoy anyone within earshot.
Ottiolog: Long distance conversation with a piece of wood.
Lanjo: A landscape which, when converted to pure audio energy,
would sound exactly like a giant banjo.
Nofobofobia: Fear of having no fear of fear.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Don't smoke marijuana, it fucks you up every time.
Free Gratis Question of the Week:
If space is filled with nothing but jello, is it still space?
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Wotchanochalissy the highest, 2002 M.Y.*
Vanquocracy: A highly regimented cadre of trained technicians that
destroys the IRS and other malignant,
bloated bearocracies, including itself, eventually.
Orgahquid: Living, pulsating liquid beverages that will quench their
thirst before yours.
Nirt: What you're not wearing under all those bulky opaque clothes.
Idiation: A conversation with people who live to give advice, especially
stuff they know nothing about.
Coitision: Fucking with perfection. Not as scary as you would think.
Dah Bait: What you dangle in front of someone to start an argument.
Booshombré: The strong silent loud scary type.
Snorus: Harmonizing with your beloved's nasal cyclones.
Snotny: The aftereffects of Snorus.
Obvidia: The stuff you know really well but can't remember.
Nexit: An expressway that consists solely of onramps.
Hert: The third twin.
Phomegaton: A heavy light thing.
Nayvair: Your favorite time to discuss insurance, with an insurance salesman.
Sickobology: Designing cruel yet cost-effective scientific life-threatening
experiments on your least favorite neighbors.
Rentile: Short-term use of a clique of a wacky nut-burger style religion
for a small demonstration.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
The world would be a better place if everyone were sleepy.
Another Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Welcome to our course of study. You can flunk out but you can't nayvair graduate.
* My Year
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Fulblue
Moon 2, 01
Posthead:
Responding philosophically to an urgent email exactly one
year
after the sender forgot you ever existed if in fact you ever
existed at all.
Altopist: One who scrutinizes the ceiling for imperceptible
blemishes while
getting married instead of running wildly out the door and
into the void.
Cheddarrea: A chalky mold that accretes inside the
scalp, induced by being
very sleepy and uncreative.
Orthility: Humbly accepting the obvious fact that all
your friends need to change a lot.
Blahtality: So goddamn agreeable you never do a goddam
thing.
Excrabist: A class 2 sewage treatment plant repairperson.
Vomalgia: Bumping into someone who made you puke in
high school,
inducing an acrid throat constriction.
Karadwey: Maniacal and somewhat elliptical mastery
of the Dewey Dethimal Thythtem.
Xantipation : Hoping fervently that what's about to
happen won't happen too often.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
I'm bipolar and loving every other minute of it.
|
Tallymanchium, ì 7 œ
|
Stellularity: Suddenly and inexplicably starstruck by your bad self
while sliding across an uncomfortable stone outcropping in the middle of
the damn Fleek Archipelago.
Himport: That cool guy over there has something important folded in his briefcase.
Imajiste: A painting that only a painter could possibly have painted with paint.
Bollidaze: Going on vacation with a raving maniac while cresting in your own
private bipolarity.
Diablabulous: Deeply and savagely engrossed in conversation while surreptitiously
popping a deep zit on your butt. Implied: It hurts bad but feels good, but
you're not sure.
Abodacious: A starkly weird renovation of a crumbling Victorian mansion
with a funky acid trip kind of jag where there's a fair amount of cosmic
bodaciousness going on. Laissez le bon temps roulez!
Oblooned: Stung by the obvious. Oww!
Hazorzation: An open plateau suddenly appearing when whatever was supposed to happen
happens when it was destined to happen exactly when it happened. As when you discover
you are crazy. I know it fucked me right up. I'm still not very much better than you are.
Detroitus: Leftover chrome from a car wreck.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
He's repeating whatever I say and now I'm typing it.
|
Ocularré, .01, oq
Yogaholic: Supple yet supremely annoying for a calm
person.
Gubnate: When your governor is named Nate.
Self-fanationé: The inability to stop watching a meaningless
game between
two winless teams you hate.
Airyoudamix: The seamless behavior of criticism molecules
sailing over the
back of your fragile psyche.
Balooshes: Them ole-time bowling shoes blues. You know
you know what
I 'm talking about.
Poeemulous: Sensitive to fault, but rich with explanation.
Quadroolyon: The Loser Award, no ribbon. Hey, you lost!
Stickuldy: Music that behaves like salt water taffy.
Unconditioner: A gentle gelatinous solvent used to
get all that karma-laden
New Age Love outta your hair.
Shogger: That initial spritzing gallon of water from
above that chills your back.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Our web site is so expensive we have to cut back on safety.
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Quondom 44
Pinchology: An unexpected, painful reflex test to determine
if you're really alive or not.
Telespastic: Answering the phone by accident.
Skak: Stuff you obviously already knew but needed someone
to tellya.
Advertosis: A particularly anxious and/or nervous condition
inflamed by the
Special Advertising & Coupon Insert in the Sunday News Supplement.
Voyography: Failing not to look at the couple in the
next booth fondling each other.
Premature Pigmentation: Painting your house
before its built.
Bomlette: A splatted egg or a Bose-Einstein Condensate
kind of thing.
Vayguemon: The pathetically meager attention paid to
such essentials as
light, air, love, beige and the heavy metals.
Session de Mal: Sitting next to someone very loud for
someone who doesn't fucking exist.
Free Gratis Question of the Hour:
Is it better to be a complete idiot, or an incomplete idiot?
Free Patriotic yet Sensitively Macho Declaration:
God bless all the groovy chicks in America.
|
Kleptember 34, 5678
Xualism: Grudgingly taking time off in a futile attempt to get some work done.
Subnatalism: Giving birth while in a nuclear submarine under like a ton of water.
Shuckstery: A salesperson who charges for not trying to sell you anything. A really
good goddamn fucking salesperson.
Telefastik: Type AA personality who always and forever presupposes you were
supposed to call back a day or two before you said you would, and gets rather
"huffy" about it.
Translexual: Doing what you can to change the meaning of words like "bulge" and "elide".
Nughead: A person who, in conversation, says "nugatory" instead of "No Ma'am,
I won't floss your gerbil."
Duhbyocracy: When the entire thought processes of the country are filtered
through you know who with the resulting themes being somewhat simplified if
not entirely squished.
Fogolescence: The idiot phase of the growth curve.
Greeful: Thanking someone for doing you a favor and knowing you will never reciprocate
ever even though you think you might should sometime.
Ole Factory: The production of ancient odors, esp. from the shadowy side of the psyche,
resulting in strange smelling thoughts or the occasional silent, nether breaking of wind. From
the Gaelic: ye be phartin'.
DoubleRubble: A yellow light leading posthaste to a bright red light.
Lookadat: A thin man with a fat shadow. Or a fat man with a thin shadow. From the
Greek "loesus," - translation: you call that a fuckin' shadow?
Vhluffoximo: Vivid memories of stuff you never experienced.
Quaxifullque: The sock of shivilization. The chain of paos.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
We'd like to think we are where we think we are but we don't.
|
Hooyamama 2/3, '01
Craytion: The process of assigning new names to old and forgotten earth tones.
Funereal Disease: The last disease you will ever get that doesn't start with an orgasm.
Polabarr: Cool, yet aggressive.
Cartogmire: Gifted at reading maps and shooting azimuths but terrified to go anywhere.
Perquilkody: A punk song optimally performed by a piccolo and ukulele duo.
Shilln't: She who shan't schlep shale by the seashore.
Flippopotamus: An angry two-ton mental problem with no natural enemies.
Jawplication: Dinner companions furtively engaged in entirely separate conversations.
Free Gratis Question of the Week:
Are we hinky or is it just us?
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Some people have gone to be with the lord, others have moved to a bigger town.
|
Quixtopp 010, 10
Demiraunt: Watching a restaurant go out of business during an
after-dinner peach aperitif.
Lightenment: More fun than you are allowed to remember.
Fredator: Slayer of all he-Freds.
Metaphyklikal: Believing the same stuff you believed the day before yesterday.
And lovin' every fucking other minute of it.
Anthracyberitic: The process of delivering coal over the internet.
Krunking: Trying to find something finnish in Brahms' unfinished symphony.
Bummobile: Dragging your problems with you wherever your friends and relatives go.
Pulchrystude: Men competing over the beautiful women they've almost had sex with,
but never will, at least in this office.
Irth: The planet where everybody laughs a lot at the concept of nothing.
Blerck: Red brick painted red, twice.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Our chaos theory is currently a complete mess.
Free Gratis Palliative for the Fortnight:
Don't worry; there are only two things to be afraid of:
the known and the unknown.
So true, so true.
|
Eveelknivleaticus 23, 1234567
Slothfia: Lazy and disorganized crime. Notably in Bulgaria.
Perabulum:
A handy, heavy vibrating wrench that doesn't exist yet.
Perometer:
Device for measuring something as per something else.
Spleep:
Getting your afternoon nap out of the way first thing in the
morning.
Plust:
Desire squelched by permission.
Carbonamia:
The intense study of the behavior of bubbles on the tip of one's
tongue.
Acelanders:
Guys who are essentially almost just like Elvis except maybe
without
the look and the voice and probably without much rhythm and
maybe a little better at math.
Scritchy:
An itchy scratchy.
Remnopolis:
A city built from the remnants of other cities.
Minoosch:
An unsettling psychic riptide.
Mortessence:
Going to heaven without all the loud messy overwrought fanfare
that so often seems to accompany your average demise.
Generosowhat:
Sharing stuff you really don't like anyway.
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
Life goes on, but not for everyone.
|
Mention 10, 2001
Aeroflop: Flying briskly across europe to see a Russian
who doesn't want to see you, then walking slowly back.
Quircle: In geometry or goat cheese, a four-sided figure,
at least two of which are curved and tangy and asymptotic.
Plingular: Several little or big ones, give or take.
Hairspace: A void filled by a wind-tossed comb-over.
Bulcockracy: The sheer massive idiocy of a "regular" life,
up with which you wittingly must put.
Ingastrication: Buying sex for someone you will never have food with.
Hexuality: Having sex with someone who will never buy you food.
Forternity: a unit of time between a fortnight hence and never.
Purgent: Hurrying to accomplish something you don't want to do.
Bignify: To make a really, big fucking a-hole of a deal out of nothing.
Compff: A compliment and a confession in one, such as, "I'm sorry
I didn't realize you're probably above average." Rare.
Galvinism: An ironclad belief system based on the power of rustproof nails.
Free Gratis Question for the Week:
If a tree fall in the forest and hits you
in the head, will it still hurt?
Free Gratis Thought for the Week:
All that cleaning up made me dirty.
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